by Justin L. Abrotsky
Today credibility is on my mind. Some people have it, but most people don't. In the music industry, the search to get credibility as whatever you want to be viewed as is a tough journey, full of many twists, turns, pools of quicksand, big evil monsters, riddles, stabbing circus midgets, and breath mints.
Do you want to be a punk? Well what is a punk? Someone who is against something, anything, everything. Someone who wants to revolt and shock people. Someone who is pissed off. If you're a punk rocker and you talk to someone all nice, then you've blown it. No credibility. If you sign a record deal, then you've blown it. No credibility. D.I.Y., fucker. If you don't know what that means, then you've blown it again. No credibility. If you sing about anything other than committing crimes and politics, then you've blown it too. You're not pissed off enough for credibility.
Do you want to be a wussy acoustic singer/songwriter? Well what is a wuss? A loser who doesn't get laid and whines a lot about it. But why did you start playing guitar and singing? To get laid, huh? Once you hit it big, you're gonna get some. And when you get some, you won't be a wuss anymore. You'll blow it when you get blown. No credibility. And if you keep on going without getting laid then you'd be pulling off the impossible, unless you're asexual. But if you're asexual you wouldn't want to whine about not getting laid. No credibility again.
Do you want to be a hard rock partier tough guy? Well then how come you're a half-competent musician? If you're anywhere near decent you'd have had to sit at home and practice. That'd make you a loser. Not a tough guy. Play anything that resembles talent and you've blown it. No credibility.
Want to appeal to losers? Well, then how come you suck at making music? Real losers would have had time to study music and learn how to play well. Maybe you're fooling yourself. Maybe you were never really a loser. You just wanted to be. But the losers were better musicians. This could go in circles, but just suffice to say... no credibility.
You see, there is no way to actually achieve any form of legit credibility in the music industry. No matter how good your intentions are, you're going to fuck up at some point just because everyone does. We all look up to people who have fucked up. And we will go on to fuck up. So does that make them credible in that respect? No. Because you haven't fucked up yet. You can't walk into a building and then talk to people on the outside who are going to enter eventually. It just doesn't work like that.
In the end, any strife towards being ANYTHING is going to kill your credibility. And trying to be nothing will ruin your life completely. So, in the words of the (naturally) devoid of credibility Paul Westerberg, "We're all fucked."